var quotes = new Array()

quotes[0] = "As if you'll ever see this one!";
quotes[1] = "60% of the time this works every time.";
quotes[2] = "You read it. You can't unread it!";
quotes[3] = "09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0";
quotes[4] = "Also available in a sickening shade of frothy pink...";
quotes[5] = "Illegal in all 12 continents!";
quotes[6] = "Why ship atoms when you can ship bits?";
quotes[7] = "Because being a senile, amoral crackpot isn't all it's cracked up to be!";
quotes[8] = "All your base are belong to... err... I.";
quotes[9] = "Help! A Guinea pig tricked me!";
quotes[10] = "Thank you for consenting to intermittent beatings with a wooden sandal."
quotes[11] = "All content protected using ROT26 encryption. Practice safe hex!"
quotes[12] = "A highly qualified feeling which appeals to our mind."
quotes[13] = "Not covered by your health insurance."
quotes[14] = "Occasionally featuring gratuitous programmer nudity!"
quotes[15] = "As was foretold by Nostradamus..."
quotes[16] = "For proper reading, insert red suppository now."
quotes[17] = "Obey gravity. It's the law."
quotes[18] = "69% sexohol by volume."
quotes[19] = "Your source for stylish hats!"
quotes[20] = "You win!"
quotes[21] = "Tugging the teat of lethargy thrice daily."
quotes[22] = "You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care."
quotes[23] = "Mother... shitter... Son of an... ass. I just..."
quotes[24] = "The secret ingredient is love. Sorta."
quotes[25] = "Now with more beefy goodness!"
quotes[26] = "Written by abused Honduran slave boys."
quotes[27] = "Now with a healthy bluish glow."
quotes[28] = "For best results, pour directly into ear canal"
quotes[29] = "You’re going to be a porn star when you grow up. I can tell."
quotes[30] = "Censored by the Chinese government."
quotes[31] = "I mocked Pat Robertson and lived to tell the tale!"
quotes[32] = "Written in front of a live audience."
quotes[33] = "If I did it, here is how..."
quotes[34] = "Is that your <i>final</i> answer?"
quotes[35] = "Broadcasting on brainwave alpha-5."
quotes[36] = "Toe-tappingly tragic!"
quotes[37] = "Yippee!"
quotes[38] = "Made from previously recycled bits."
quotes[39] = "Greedo shot first!"
quotes[40] = "P != NP"
quotes[41] = "Welcome to the Loew's &#8501;&#8320;-plex"
quotes[42] = "Domo arigato, Mr. Robato"
quotes[43] = "Have some more. I insist."
quotes[44] = "Featuring the breath-freshening power of ham!"
quotes[45] = "Join the class action buddy."
quotes[46] = "You've got spam mail!"
quotes[47] = "Also available in XL."
quotes[48] = "'Canadians are people too'"
quotes[49] = "This website is for website use only. All other using prohibit! Wokey?"
quotes[50] = "Best served with fresh croutons."
quotes[51] = "Insulting you since 1978."
quotes[52] = "MacGyvered from a paper-clip, a used sock, a bar of chocolate and half a toenail!"
quotes[53] = "Made in Taiwan."
quotes[54] = "Better than 3 other leading websites."
quotes[55] = "Approved by the Comptroller."
quotes[56] = "Soylent Green. Now in delicious blue!"
quotes[57] = "-- -- --   -.-. .... . . ... . "
quotes[58] = "As seen on TV!"
quotes[59] = "But wait... there's more!"
quotes[60] = "We both know you ain't got nothing better to do!"
quotes[61] = "You can't prove it won't happen!"
quotes[62] = "Hey! Long time no see!! How's the psoriasis?"
quotes[63] = "Please wash hands before clicking any links."
quotes[64] = "Now with a money-back guarantee."
quotes[65] = "Making it up as we go along."
quotes[66] = "From the publisher of 'The Big Book of British Smiles'"
quotes[67] = "Press ANY key now."
quotes[68] = "But Keptin! The Klingons are approachink."
quotes[69] = "You expected something funny, didn't you?"
quotes[70] = "Join me or die. Can you do any less?"
quotes[71] = "Downloading funny quote..."
quotes[72] = "Now with more mumbo jumbo!"
quotes[73] = "Holy haberdashery Batman!"
quotes[74] = "I raise."
quotes[75] = "I read your e-mail."
quotes[76] = "Watch out behind you!"
quotes[77] = "Dating is for tools."
quotes[78] = "This isn't the website you're looking for."
quotes[79] = "If unsatisfied, run home to Momma."
quotes[80] = "Ranked 1st by Goggle."
quotes[81] = "Goes great with spaghetti."
quotes[82] = "Squeezed out of children."
quotes[83] = "No orphans were harmed in the making of this site."
quotes[84] = "Put credit card in front of screen for automatic payment."
quotes[85] = "One of those unknown unknowns you heard so much about!"
quotes[86] = "Back so soon?"
quotes[87] = "Stand by for more mediocre humor."
quotes[88] = "Now in TECHNICOLOR!"
quotes[89] = "Move to the left to improve reception."
quotes[90] = "Go on. Report me."
quotes[91] = "Voted \"Best\" for many years in a row."
quotes[92] = "Also available in paperback."
quotes[93] = "Not written by Tom Clancy."
quotes[94] = "Endorsed by a Blue Ribbon Committee!"
quotes[95] = "Almost as good as cash."
quotes[96] = "How about a foot-long?"
quotes[97] = "Scryed by John Edwards."
quotes[98] = "Friends don't let friends browse naked."
quotes[99] = "..."
quotes[100] = "Also available in 750ml bottles."
quotes[101] = "Eight-Six-Seven Five-Three-Oh-Nine"
quotes[102] = "'Two thumbs up!'"
quotes[103] = "Well worth the wait."
quotes[104] = "iPhone compatible!"
quotes[105] = "Powered by love."
quotes[106] = "Frequent reading helps digestion."
quotes[107] = "Endorsed by important people."
quotes[108] = "Actually written by nikb!"
quotes[109] = "Also available in vermillion."
quotes[110] = "Preserved for posterity."
quotes[111] = "Getting you all worked up over nothing!"
quotes[112] = "Not for oral consumption."
quotes[113] = "Sprayed with weedkiller weekly."
quotes[114] = "Come on in! Come on in!"
quotes[115] = "You can tell me. I'm a doctor!"
quotes[116] = "Stand by while the mind-controller initializes"
quotes[117] = "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines."
quotes[118] = "Read carefully to ensure accuracy!"
quotes[119] = "Frequently relevant"
quotes[120] = "Click here."
quotes[121] = "Available in stick."
quotes[122] = "Twice as good as MP3s."
quotes[123] = "Wait for it..."
quotes[124] = "Catered."
quotes[125] = "Double-checked for accuracy."
quotes[126] = "Made of ballistic nylon."
quotes[127] = "Not potable."
quotes[128] = "Not affiliated with nikb."
quotes[129] = "Twice the text for half the price."
quotes[130] = "Classified as a heavy truck!"
quotes[131] = "Assume the position."
quotes[132] = "Brewed in the dark."
quotes[133] = "Goes down smooth."
quotes[134] = "The gift that keeps on giving."
quotes[135] = "Only $29.99"
quotes[136] = "Almost as good as The Onion."
quotes[137] = "Covered in a fine fuzz."
quotes[138] = "Delivered by autogyro."
quotes[139] = "Squint now."
quotes[140] = "How's this for funny?"
quotes[141] = "Slightly pungent."
quotes[142] = "Handed down by God."
quotes[143] = "Stay tuned for important updates!"
quotes[144] = "Pickled by experts."
quotes[145] = "From the secret files of nikb."
quotes[146] = "Routed over secret networks."
quotes[147] = "Security, convenience and value!"
quotes[148] = "Gluten-free."
quotes[149] = "Security to carpark! Security to carpark!"
quotes[150] = "Now with more juicy tidbits!"
quotes[151] = "Secreted by the webpage bee."
quotes[152] = "Good job big boy!"
quotes[153] = "Welcome! Welcome! Have some brie."
quotes[154] = "Allow me to introduce... well... me!"
quotes[155] = "Typed out on an Olivetti typewriter."
quotes[156] = "Now with zero carbon footprint."
quotes[157] = "Stand by for mind erasure."
quotes[158] = "Being outdoors is no fun. There's so many fat children!"
quotes[159] = "Check your underwear! It holds the answer to all the important questions."
quotes[160] = "Are we there yet?"
quotes[161] = "From the land of make-believe, just like elves and eskimos."
quotes[162] = "HOW COULD YOU!?!?"
quotes[163] = "I want answers now. Or eventually! Your pick."
quotes[164] = "All content typed while sleepwalking."
quotes[165] = "Verified."
quotes[166] = "Visit other sides for placebo content."
quotes[167] = "For the last time, I will not put on pants!"
quotes[168] = "Bang! Bang! Bang!"
quotes[169] = "'How wonderful!'"
quotes[170] = "As decreed from the throne."
quotes[171] = "Now with an extended warranty."
quotes[172] = "Designed in America."
quotes[173] = "To access the real site, perform secret handshake now."
quotes[174] = "More fun than a kick to the crotch!"
quotes[175] = "23% more fruit juice than fruit juice."
quotes[176] = "It only tastes like chicken."
quotes[177] = "As foretold by Jim-Bob..."
quotes[178] = "Coming to you from beyond the grave"
quotes[179] = "Seems someone knows something I don't!"
quotes[180] = "Made out of bits from Jay Leno's chin!"
quotes[181] = "Oops!"
quotes[182] = "No funny quote found."
quotes[183] = "Authorized by the Space Pope."
quotes[184] = "Punch screen for gift!"
quotes[185] = "5... 4... 3... 2... 1... You are dead!"
quotes[186] = "Now accepting PayPal donations."
quotes[187] = "Also available in a diet variety."
quotes[188] = "Containing only trans-fats."
quotes[189] = "Now 12% more slippery."
quotes[190] = "More fun than pouring chili sauce down your pants"
quotes[191] = "Guaranteed to give you 6-pack abs in 6 seconds."
quotes[192] = "Sealed for your protection."
quotes[193] = "100mg of fonzine, stat!"
quotes[194] = "From the desk of your boss."
quotes[195] = "Ahoy hoy?"
quotes[196] = "Now with more nicotine than a pack of Camels."
quotes[197] = "Blue, to match your mood."
quotes[198] = "Sadly, not better than sex."
quotes[199] = "'Ooh' and 'ahh' now please."
quotes[200] = "Who told you you weren't pretty?"
quotes[201] = "By the power of Greyskull!"
quotes[202] = "Ungh... aaa... ahhhh... oooompff.... aaarrrrghhh... gahh!"
quotes[203] = "Written before a live audience."
quotes[204] = "Live from transdimensional galaxy 666."
quotes[205] = "Also available with an LCARS interface."
quotes[206] = "Ahahahahaha!"
quotes[207] = "Not another rock monster!"
quotes[208] = "Think warm thoughts..."
quotes[209] = "Tickle my fancy some more!"
quotes[210] = "Not available on satellite radio."
quotes[211] = "20% more fiber than other leading websites."
quotes[212] = "More fun than a colonoscopy."
quotes[213] = "Now with shag carpets."
quotes[214] = "Diesel-powered."
quotes[215] = "On Tipper Gore's blacklist!"
quotes[216] = "Not approved by concerned parents."
quotes[217] = "Read out aloud in a funny English accent."
quotes[218] = "Not an Olympic event."
quotes[219] = "Not for the faint of heart."
quotes[220] = "Not hacked by Kevin Mitnick."
quotes[221] = "Deciphered from the Kama Sutra."
quotes[222] = "100% horse-fed horse meat."
quotes[223] = "Favored by the Queen."
quotes[224] = "Almost as much fun as taking out the garbage."
quotes[225] = "As seen on 'Cops'"
quotes[226] = "Take this. And this. And that."
quotes[227] = "Stroke author for a present."
quotes[228] = "From the mythical land of Mu."
quotes[229] = "More campy than 1980's Filmation cartoons."
quotes[230] = "So what if I own action figures?"
quotes[231] = "My big-screen TV is bigger than yours!"
quotes[232] = "Mocking your bumper-sticker winning kid every chance I get."
quotes[233] = "Too big for your SUV."
quotes[234] = "Not insured."
quotes[235] = "More beef please."
quotes[236] = "Yikes!"
quotes[237] = "Updated and expanded."
quotes[238] = "Transcribed by dwarves."
quotes[239] = "Not actually a bank."
quotes[240] = "Stick hand in garbage disposal for wonderful present."
quotes[241] = "Not good as an alibi."
quotes[242] = "I want answers Cherrycakes."
quotes[243] = "What do you mean no?"
quotes[244] = "Not exactly the back yard, but it will do."
quotes[245] = "'Love is like the ozone layer. You never miss it until it's gone.'"
quotes[246] = "Hooray!"
quotes[247] = "Click here to be annoyed."
quotes[248] = "No neutrons were harmed in the making of this website."
quotes[249] = "20% more smut? You bet!"
quotes[250] = "Deciphered from tea leaves."
quotes[251] = "Beats a royal flush hands down."
quotes[252] = "Live from Takeshi's Castle."
quotes[253] = "Featured as an 'Iron Chef' ingredient."
quotes[254] = "Just go in the corner..."
quotes[255] = "Prudently invested."
quotes[256] = "'Now passes the Turing test'"
quotes[257] = "Folded into the shape of a website."
quotes[258] = "Made fresh."
quotes[259] = "Living up to all the hype."
quotes[260] = "Guaranteed not to show up on your credit report."
quotes[261] = "Inappropriate for prudes."
quotes[262] = "Old-Fashioned."
quotes[263] = "Boring!"
quotes[264] = "Don't laugh at me. I was once like you."
quotes[265] = "Nacho nacho man..."
quotes[266] = "Like a religious experience, but without the drugs!"
quotes[267] = "Written by monkey #419"
quotes[268] = "Not approved by your HMO."
quotes[269] = "Delicious by any standard."
quotes[270] = "More precious than a child's laughter."
quotes[271] = "Made from a secret mix of colorful acids."
quotes[272] = "Written in stone."
quotes[273] = "From beyond Thunderdome."
quotes[274] = "Can I play with madness?"
quotes[275] = "Now with a UPC code!"
quotes[276] = "For a good time, call 911."
quotes[277] = "Not suitable for transporting liquids."
quotes[278] = "Stop wasting time."
quotes[279] = "Unlikely to qualify as a website..."
quotes[280] = "Directly from Snake Mountain."
quotes[281] = "Composed mainly of fish innards."
quotes[282] = "Have you ever seen a movie with gladiators?"
quotes[283] = "Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?"
quotes[284] = "Priced to move!"
quotes[285] = "Not a prescription drug."
quotes[286] = "Don't try this at home."
quotes[287] = "Virtually free of content!"
quotes[288] = "Also available in paperback!"
quotes[289] = "Soaked in brine, for your pleasure."
quotes[290] = "Readable while applying deodorant."
quotes[291] = "Click the red circle to enter our million-dollar sweepstakes."
quotes[292] = "Optional butterfly attachment sold separately."
quotes[293] = "Now with no lead!"
quotes[294] = "Because your family deserves the best."
quotes[295] = "Available in 47 out of these 48 great states."
quotes[296] = "Activate secret decoder ring now."
quotes[297] = "Feeding your addiction for humorous bits."
quotes[298] = "Read backwards to praise Satan."
quotes[299] = "Featuring kinky subliminal messages."
quotes[300] = "Featuring content by a random number generator!"
quotes[301] = "Fun for the whole family!"
quotes[302] = "Approved by Mom!"
quotes[303] = "Generated in real-time, just for you!"
quotes[304] = "Makes for great reading during restroom breaks."
quotes[305] = "Below MSRP!"
quotes[306] = "By one of those heathens you read about in 'Left Behind'!"
quotes[307] = "By a member of many prestigious and/or fictitious associations."
quotes[308] = "Also available in kitten!"
quotes[309] = "New 'lite' version! Only 3 milichafs per kilobloom!"
quotes[310] = "Deodorized with BBQ smoke."
quotes[311] = "Made just the way you like."
quotes[312] = "Composed of anti-matter."
quotes[313] = "Updated frequently."
quotes[314] = "Now with more nose-hair clippings."
quotes[315] = "From the capital city of Pangea."
quotes[316] = "Delicious despite the crappy ingredients."
quotes[317] = "Undetectable by most anti-virus software!"
quotes[318] = "Also usable as toilet paper."
quotes[319] = "Ghostwritten by Bill."
quotes[320] = "'I shaved my balls for this?!?'"
quotes[321] = "Made with newspaper clippings."
quotes[322] = "Made with gravitons and graviolis."
quotes[323] = "Rated #1 by iLoo users."
quotes[324] = "Talk nerdy to me!"
quotes[325] = "Huge in Japan!"
quotes[326] = "It's the upside before the inevitable downside."
quotes[327] = "Fast acting!"
quotes[328] = "Better that a Swedish buttocks massage!"
quotes[329] = "Slapdashery for the timid."
quotes[330] = "Where's it's 1978 every year!"
quotes[331] = "A minimalist's surreal cubistic dream."
quotes[332] = "Fabulous even without funny quotes."
quotes[333] = "Read by Farmer Joe!"
quotes[334] = "As seen in the Eye of Thundera."
quotes[335] = "Brought to you by me, the meat and sarcasm guy!"
quotes[336] = "Talked about by pundits!"
quotes[337] = "Adjusted for inflation, deflation and stagflation!."
quotes[338] = "Written using voodoo."
quotes[339] = "Taking the menial task of reading to new heights."
quotes[340] = "Sheesh... how many funny quotes does this guy have?"
quotes[341] = "There's no 'I' in team, but there is a 'me' if you jumble it up."
quotes[342] = "Yoo hoo my hoo hoo."
quotes[343] = "I want to talk you in my office!"
quotes[344] = "Describe myself in three words? Cold, uncaring, distant..."
quotes[345] = "Something about your face makes me think your name is Dick."
quotes[346] = "Go away, I'm busy! Porn doesn't download itself!"
quotes[347] = "Sweet Zombie Jesus!!!"
quotes[348] = "Maximum-strength chuckle remover!"
quotes[349] = "Now with 20% more ground up executives!"
quotes[350] = "Cram a sock in it and shut the hell up!"
quotes[351] = "Ahh, sweet photons. I don't know if you're particles or waves, but you go down smooth..."
quotes[352] = "Like a headache with pictures."
quotes[353] = "Oh... your... God."
quotes[354] = "Blargh!"
quotes[355] = "Written in iambic pentameter"
quotes[356] = "Assembled from bits of other, less interesting websites."
quotes[357] = "For and against many things!"
quotes[358] = "By the inventor of the light bulb, the steam boat and the cotton gin."
quotes[359] = "I'm meeting you half-way you stinking hippies!"
quotes[360] = "Yippie-ki-yay!"
quotes[361] = "The one place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment!"
quotes[362] = "With a warning label this big, you know this has got to be fun!"
quotes[363] = "Behold, my website!"
quotes[364] = "With gusto!"
quotes[365] = "Like sex, except you're having it!"
quotes[366] = "Dispensed from vending machines."
quotes[367] = "More depressing than watching a million puppies drown!"
quotes[368] = "Accurate to within 1/1000th of a plausibility unit."
quotes[369] = "Also a best-selling livestock feed."
quotes[370] = "1010011010"
quotes[371] = "Phillip K. Dick vs. L. Ron Hubbard: 1-0"
quotes[372] = "As fancy as a 'Miami Vice' shirt."
quotes[373] = "You're the man now dog!"
quotes[374] = "Glutinous gruel for the gaunt."
quotes[375] = "Better than polyester!"
quotes[376] = "Open wider for the magic cider!"
quotes[377] = "Chimps... Bikinis... Booze... Could it get any better?"
quotes[378] = "Care for a curry-flavored sparkling beverage?"
quotes[379] = "Now with muffins in a delighfully rich shade of cocoa-bronze!"
quotes[380] = "Soft porn for hard times."
quotes[381] = "Discreet and discrete."
quotes[382] = "Smoother than the finest silk."
quotes[383] = "Inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles!"
quotes[384] = "A wonderland of waggery."
quotes[385] = "Preferred by hoboes everywhere!"
quotes[386] = "The site that never loses its pizzazz."
quotes[387] = "Coo coo ca choo!" 
quotes[388] = "Held in place with hairspray."
quotes[389] = "Norming around mechanisms while holding ones ground in an interaction."
quotes[390] = "Evil by design."
quotes[391] = "Now featuring promiscuous oiled lookalikes of Monica Belucci."
quotes[392] = "Like my old site! Except... you know... with tentacles!"
quotes[392] = "Pork-rib hula skirts? You bet!"
quotes[393] = "Sundried, for that crunchy texture."
quotes[394] = "Not suitable for people with flip-flops."
quotes[395] = "Composed primarily of clay, feathers and moldy bread."
quotes[396] = "Plagiarized from a box of corn flakes."
quotes[397] = "Strip naked and sit down. The website is about to start up."
quotes[398] = "Of course I don't condone the cool crime of robbery!"
quotes[399] = "Come over here and feel my velour bedspread."
quotes[400] = "Covered in rich Corinithian leather and fine velour."
quotes[401] = "I hate people who love me! And they hate me!"
quotes[402] = "One picture is worth a thousand bruises!"
quotes[403] = "By Neptune! A mermaid is in trouble! Time to put on my aquapants!"
quotes[404] = "Ahh... Nothing like the dainty 'SNAP!' of a butterfly trap."
quotes[405] = "Now featuring 4 new uses for spent juices."
quotes[406] = "Ouch... I best go break out the Vap-O-Rub."
quotes[407] = "Not Based on the writings of L. Ron Hubbard"
quotes[408] = "Or are they?"
quotes[409] = "Only available to people with names beginning with 'Z'"
quotes[410] = "It's now. It's wow. And how!"
quotes[411] = "Directory assistance. How can I help you?"
quotes[412] = "Mostly made of fluff."

function TryToBakeCookie(name, value, expire, domain, path)
{
 var exp = new Date();

 if(expire)
  exp.setTime(exp.getTime() + (expire * 86400000));

 document.cookie = name + "=" + escape( value ) +
  ((expire) ? ";expires=" + exp.toGMTString() : "") + 
  ((path) ? ";path=" + path : "") + 
  ((domain) ? ";domain=" + domain : "");
}

function TryToEatCookie(name) 
{
	var nameEQ = name + "=";
	var ca = document.cookie.split(';');
	for(var i=0;i < ca.length;i++) {
		var c = ca[i];
		while (c.charAt(0)==' ') c = c.substring(1,c.length);
		if (c.indexOf(nameEQ) == 0) return c.substring(nameEQ.length,c.length);
	}
	
	return null;
}

var qn = TryToEatCookie("mmmmmm.delicious.cookie");
 
if(qn == null) 
 qn = Math.ceil(Math.random() * quotes.length);

qn = parseInt(qn);

TryToBakeCookie("mmmmmm.delicious.cookie", qn + 1, 365, "users.webmaster.com", "/nikb");
  
var elem = document.getElementById('funnyquote');

if(elem != null)
 elem.innerHTML = quotes[qn % quotes.length];